Basking Crocs to rainbow crocks of gold

I like to sleep with the bedroom door shut, now that the kiddies are grown.  I kept them curled up with me far longer than the child police would deem appropriate and even when we slept in separate rooms they were but inches away. But now they are all growed up.

For security I used  to hang strings of bells from door handles, hopefully sufficient to wake Merlin, our Newfoundland, asleep at the bottom of the stairs. Once a mother, always a mother, but the sweet soft days of snuggling dreaming children are over (apart from when they are sick and I can sneak in alongside just incase they need anything).

So I prefer to sleep with the door shut and usually GS does too but in New Orleans he preferred to leave the door open. With Aircon on we couldn’t have the windows open and there were a lot of blackened Cajun ‘gator bites to be digested…

It was dawn o’clock on the last morning.  The door was shut. I was fast asleep lulled by the whiring and clicking of the ceiling fan and the ‘singing’ of the Cardinal bird.

‘Did you hear that? Is there someone  in the house?’ blurted GS.

This would be a minor miracle given that GS claims never to be able to hear anything.

‘Agwwagrup…’  I replied malfunctioning from lack of tea.

Although incapable of speech and barely conscious my suspicions were aroused. Might this be a peculairly cunning and devious plan to wake me up so I would slap barefoot downstairs to make the tea? 

My suspicions were allayed when GS leapt up and  into the bathroom. I concluded that any noise had been identified as Cajun ‘gator bite related and that if I played possum, it was only a matter of time before a cup of tea would be delivered to my bedside.   

Then I too heard a noise I couldn’t identify which wasn’t of Japanese loo origin.  Blearyeyed I  extracted my dress from the clothing puddle on the floor and leaned over the bannister.

‘Hello? Hello?  I shouted downstairs in my most commanding, no nonsense  voice lest there be bandits in the house.

Neinte.

Bravely leaning over the banisters I spied that the ground floor of our shotgun long house was empty. Meanwhile I heard GS on the telephone from the bathroom presumably picking up the overnight calls from Europe. 

Next second GS blustered past me  somewhat agitated.

‘There was a man climbing through our bathroom sash window! He couldn’t see me because of the bamboo blind.’

‘What!’

‘He said the front door was deadlocked so he got the ladder out and climbed on the roof to get in!’

‘What!’

‘He says the owner sent him to mend the leak’ 

‘What! Where is he now?’

‘Front door!’

I followed GS downstairs to partake in a hugely awkward conversation.

GS, still bristling with adrenalin like a startled puffer fish was discussing the likely source of rainwater ingress.

I was keeping a fixed smile on my face wondering how transparent my cotton dress was given that my emergency speed dressing hadn’t included underwear.

A diminutive Hispanic man not knowing where to look appeared baffled, relieved and embarrassed.

I speculate that this was due to

1. Lack of familiarity with English accents our cultural need to defuse the situation by repeated offers of tea/coffee. Refusal only leading to a repeated requests.
2.  Shock from attempting  to climb through a first floor bathroom window and finding one’s self face to face with a towering  naked 6’4  heavy weight Irishman (post Brexit) and former National rowing champion. 
3. Relief that since we are Brits and don’t ‘pack’ ie have handguns within snatching reach, it hadn’t gone the full Pistorius.  

Pop Quiz

You are Hispanic handy man sent to investigate a leak in the Garden District of a city with a record crime rate, in the deep south in a country where fire arms are the norm and twitchy people have more guns than at the OK Corral and the front door is dead locked. Do you

1. Sneak around the back, grab a ladder, scramble over roof tops and ease open a sash window next to the master bedroom?

Or

1. Ring the doorbell?

Just sayin’. One of my mantras – ‘Do dangerous things safely, not the other way around.’